Whoever designs these new fangled fat controlers is a moron. Body shaper undergarments I would think are intended for girls with some meat on there bones yes? So why does my back fat make the damn thing roll down?
I have three different styles right now that I have tried out since I got a business casual job and don't have scrubs to hide the jiggle. The first one I got is like those belly bands for pregnant chicks but a lot tighter, good at first, but sitting in front of a computer most of the day, it rolls from both ends, unless you sit perfectly straight without moving. Maybe it would stay up a little better if I were Gumby and could pull it up high enough in the back but alas I am not.
So I went and got the very high waist shorts kind. Slightly better only because it rolls from one end. Have fun trying to get those bitches back up in a tiny bathroom stall every time you have to pee at work.
Highwaist control panel granny panties slowly move south under the roll as well. I got a seamless tank thing that is comfortable and stays put, doesn't hold a lot in but keeps the jello show to a minimum.
I was debating getting one of those as seen on tv kymora something or other but have yet to see how it's possible to get it off to relieve oneself without getting completly undressed.
I suppose I should just lose some weight but I'm lazy. I might just macguyver something up with some 3 inch elastic or just go back to the old time corset, I can just have my chambermaid lace me up.
November 25, 2011
November 20, 2011
Haloweenie
It was a dark and stormy halloween nigt, well maybe just a little drizzly, but still. I was trying to get The Spawn ready to trick or treat. A little. back story first. My kids got some kind of issues with clothes.
Last year he wanted to be a shirt for halloween. I couldn't talk him into anything for a month, until I had him watching Winnie the Pooh and suggested Tigger. He was all over it which was great cause how do you make a 2 year old into a shirt? I was off the hook, or so I thought. I didn't know you had to go costume shopping by Labor day. Also they don't make tiger costumes for 4 year old sized children. So I got crafty with some striped pajama pants and a couple clearance granimal shirts (apparently you can't get orange clothes in October either) a hot glue gun and some felt. It worked out great, everyone was happy.
This year I expected some issues. First he wanted to be a tiger shark, but he didn't like any of the shark costumes I found. His next idea was to be a plant. Okayyy, what kind of plant? "The one with the pokeys and the berries". You want to be a blackberry bush? "Yeah!" Surprisingly there doesn't seem to be a high demand for artificial blackberry vines at the craft store. Well not a problem be decided being grapes would be significantly better. They only had purple grapes instead of green. Highly unacceptable.
A couple weeks later he saw a commercial for Old Navy for their puffy jackets and he got all excited because they had them as vests.
Off we go to get him a vest. Anytime he says that's a coat I'll wear, I will be on the way to the store. He won't wear coats or jackets. Anyway they had costumes there. Dragon costumes, which is close enough to a dinosaur that it is worthy of a hand flapping happy dance. I put it on him in the store and let him run around to make sure he he would actually wear it. He wore it a couple more times over the next month to show the cats and dogs, no issues.
So halloween night my mom comes over to go trick or treating. I get his dragon costume out and he flips the fuck out. He couldn't tell me what the problem was, just that he wanted to be Tigger. Whatever beast monster, be Tigger again, in highwaters.
He composed himself and we left. He lasted about 30 minutes before he was too scared. The Spawn remembered the houses that had scary stuff from the year before and would start crying ten houses before we got to them.
Oh my sweet boy, to be inside your head sometimes.
Last year he wanted to be a shirt for halloween. I couldn't talk him into anything for a month, until I had him watching Winnie the Pooh and suggested Tigger. He was all over it which was great cause how do you make a 2 year old into a shirt? I was off the hook, or so I thought. I didn't know you had to go costume shopping by Labor day. Also they don't make tiger costumes for 4 year old sized children. So I got crafty with some striped pajama pants and a couple clearance granimal shirts (apparently you can't get orange clothes in October either) a hot glue gun and some felt. It worked out great, everyone was happy.
This year I expected some issues. First he wanted to be a tiger shark, but he didn't like any of the shark costumes I found. His next idea was to be a plant. Okayyy, what kind of plant? "The one with the pokeys and the berries". You want to be a blackberry bush? "Yeah!" Surprisingly there doesn't seem to be a high demand for artificial blackberry vines at the craft store. Well not a problem be decided being grapes would be significantly better. They only had purple grapes instead of green. Highly unacceptable.
A couple weeks later he saw a commercial for Old Navy for their puffy jackets and he got all excited because they had them as vests.
Off we go to get him a vest. Anytime he says that's a coat I'll wear, I will be on the way to the store. He won't wear coats or jackets. Anyway they had costumes there. Dragon costumes, which is close enough to a dinosaur that it is worthy of a hand flapping happy dance. I put it on him in the store and let him run around to make sure he he would actually wear it. He wore it a couple more times over the next month to show the cats and dogs, no issues.
So halloween night my mom comes over to go trick or treating. I get his dragon costume out and he flips the fuck out. He couldn't tell me what the problem was, just that he wanted to be Tigger. Whatever beast monster, be Tigger again, in highwaters.
He composed himself and we left. He lasted about 30 minutes before he was too scared. The Spawn remembered the houses that had scary stuff from the year before and would start crying ten houses before we got to them.
Oh my sweet boy, to be inside your head sometimes.
The Spawn's random thoughts
"I can't eat the corn dog if it looks like a penis!!"
The breading cracked open at the top and the hot dog was poking out a little. Hi-larious.
The breading cracked open at the top and the hot dog was poking out a little. Hi-larious.
Damn you Old Navy
A while back when I got a new job and had to buy business casual clothes instead of scrubs, but was still broke, I decided to get store credit cards to get the extra 10% off. One of th stores being Old Navy.
Normaly I love Old Navy, now I curse them, I will cripple them with my irritated blog post. For those who don't know you earn points by using their card to buy more stuff. Well I had $35 worth of points to use. Yay free money!
I ordered some clothes online, which I know is hit or miss but you can always exchange it right? You can but when you return a $15.99 dress they will give you $2.83 back. Even if you are buying $30.00 worth of more stuff. Bullshit I say. Apparently because they use the money/points as a discount instead of money paid.
I almost just left everything there but it was free money basically and I didn't want to be obnoxious to the high school kid working the register.
In hindsight I should have just kept the damn dress even though it made me look about 6-7 months pregnant. I could have sold it on ebay or something.
I still say fuck you ON. I will be cancelling the card, and i would like to say I won't shop there anymore but I probably will when they have sales and my kid will actually pick clothes out there and wear them.
Normaly I love Old Navy, now I curse them, I will cripple them with my irritated blog post. For those who don't know you earn points by using their card to buy more stuff. Well I had $35 worth of points to use. Yay free money!
I ordered some clothes online, which I know is hit or miss but you can always exchange it right? You can but when you return a $15.99 dress they will give you $2.83 back. Even if you are buying $30.00 worth of more stuff. Bullshit I say. Apparently because they use the money/points as a discount instead of money paid.
I almost just left everything there but it was free money basically and I didn't want to be obnoxious to the high school kid working the register.
In hindsight I should have just kept the damn dress even though it made me look about 6-7 months pregnant. I could have sold it on ebay or something.
I still say fuck you ON. I will be cancelling the card, and i would like to say I won't shop there anymore but I probably will when they have sales and my kid will actually pick clothes out there and wear them.
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